@grammar_c**t: "I love you" can be the most beautiful words you can hear from someone you truly care about, next to "I got this round."
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@pinupteacher: Best thing about living in NY is you can order anything, anytime, and 30 minutes later it shows up. You see here? This here is an orangutan.
@CloydRivers: Hey ladies, No Shave November ain't for you. Just saw some gal lookin' like she was tryin' to smuggle a cactus in her yoga pants. Merica.
@jonni_howard: "Your storage is full" thanks Apple, I'll just go and delete some photos of friends and family, but at least I'll always have the stocks app
@Almighty_Smoot: Saturday plans: -get abducted then hunted by a group of rich guys on a game reserve, then systematically take them out one by one. - laundry