I may be angry on the outside, but inside me beats a heart of stone…

You Might Also Like


Ooop, you spit-talked on me. I’m just gonna pretend nothing happened and freak out inside my mind.


If you get butterflies in your stomach

You should probably stop eating insects


Neighbours kids just challenged me to a water fight.

I’m just tweeting while I wait for the kettle to boil.


Just saw a snake slither through my backyard, so if anyone wants a house in Houston, it’s yours.


6-year-old: *finds a picture she drew* Why was this in the trash?



Me: It was too good. I didn’t want to make your sisters jealous.


I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered.

I’m so glad I don’t drink anymore.


“I’m caught in a love hexagon.” – polygamists


[War of 1812]

American: Let’s invade the British North.

Other American: Upper or Lower Canada?

A: idgaf



HIM: You know what we should do at our wedding reception?
[at the same time]
ME: Murder-suicide
HIM: The chicken dance!