@nPhelendriqal

I mean, I’m smart, but I’m no Alfred Einstein.

You Might Also Like

@AimeeHelene1

Don’t let the correct punctuation fool you; I’m basically a 4 year old with good grammar.

@Brentweets

“Do you need help with your math homework Billy?”
“Yeah I sure do Dad!”
“Well you’re shit out of luck”

@TravLeBlanc

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with two police officers, you’ll know that setting them free was a bad idea.

@bombfunk75

– Deletes FB account
– Leaves Social Media
– Moves to Himalayas
– Pigeon comes with a note
– Opens note
– Candycrush request

@IvoryGazelle

[inventing tupperware]

make it with a material that never lets them forget that one time they made spaghetti

@MasonCrossBooks

My daughter actually submitted this feedback at school. Not sure if I should ground her or buy her ice cream…

@KeetPotato

waiter: “have we decided yet sir?”
me: [after practicing saying gnocchi to myself for 15 minutes] “the margarita pizza please”

@ClichedOut

Waiter: Dessert’s on me.

Me: *leaning close* Where on you, Jeremy?