@AbbyHasIssues: I missed two of my mom's calls, so I assume the helicopter that just flew over my house is part of the search crew she called.
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@internetluke: *as girl walks in* 98, 99, *grunts* 100 "Wow, push-ups?" Uhm, no? Just learning to count.
@JWilsonGA: Just saw my wife's tampon string hanging out while she slept. Not sure, but I bet if I lit her fuse she'd explode bigger than any firework.
@AudreyPorne: If you drink 6 RedBulls in less than an hour, they're not allowed to arrest you for stealing a bus. Read the can if you don't believe me.