@marinhubka

I moved to LA 9 months ago and I’ve just been circling around this whole time looking for a parking spot.

You Might Also Like

@trevso_electric

If I were a manager at Stabucks I would be like, “You showed up latte for work today!” then when the laughing stops, “but no, you’re fired.”

@trevso_electric

Just once, I’d like to see an honest Facebook status, like “happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!”

@causticbob

Breaking News. Apple is to buy Ireland to solve the debt problem. It will be rebranded iLand

@Jake_Vig

Now is the worst possible time to catch someone’s drift.

@SuperApple8

In my dreams, my balloons come back down and apologize for leaving me.

@Mish3l_Ali

Girls can be so ungrateful, I made her breakfast in bed, & instead of saying “Thank You”, she’s all like “How did you get into my house!”

@Schmoodles

I often find myself rewording a long tweet so many times that it completely loses the original subject. This one started off about a cat.

@DrDogMD

PATIENT: Since I got this new job my feet are killing me.
DR DOG: What’s your job?
PATIENT: Mailman
DR DOG: *chases him out of room barking*

@caleb_driedger

CUCUMBER 911: What’s your emergency?

CUCUMBER: Please send help! I’m trapped in a jar full of vinegar!

CUCUMBER 911: hmmm, this is a pickle!