Come over for dinner. I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
I need to get a car wash but my dogs’ nose smudges on the back window appear to be forming a word so I’m gonna let that play out first.
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I got picked on in Highschool: I was cut from the football team & failed the cheerleading tryouts on the same day they fired me as principal
*Deletes account because a stranger on the internet told them to
I love it when waiters tell me to tell them when to stop grating cheese on my meal.
It’s cheese, dude. We’ll be here a while.
early man: made primitive tools from stone
late man: tries to sneak in without his boss noticing
Another day, another nope.
Rights to name a newly discovered dinosaur will soon go up for auction. I can’t be the only one concerned about this poor thing that’s stayed hidden for millions of years getting named after a rapper.
A comb is the ultimate parting gift.
I’m getting old. I’m watching a horror film about a house with a hidden cellar that wasn’t on the deeds, and all I can think is how much value that would add.
My sexual orientation is definitely Landscape. I dabbled with Portrait but my legs got tired.