*dog barks at absolutely everything, every time*
Me: SHUT UP
*dog barks at burglar, one time*
Me: It’s like he just knew there was danger
I need to get in shape. If I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.
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Gf: I have 30min
Me: you thinking what im thinking?
Gf: oh yea *starts undressing
Me: *googles closest laser tag location
I am sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.
I tried it once and I killed a cyclist !
Please women who wear 1 inch heels.
What’s the point? You look ridiculous.
What difference does 1 inch really make?
Don’t answer that.
you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes “sexual” the rest of the boys all agree that he is
will somebody tell my friend its spelled “gif” not “gf” and its not special that he has one, i have like 400 on my computer
I don’t know why they are called smart phones, I dropped mine in the toilet and it didn’t even try to get out.
People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it’s because of all the placenta I’ve been eating.
What we’ve learned from this skittles incident is that we should all stop eating refugees.
IM ALMOST POSITIVE THATS JUST A COOKIE