@OneFunnyMummy: I never got in trouble when I was young. Guess I'm making up for that now.
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@Jerrypleasure: Mugger: Everyone is sleeping, follow me silently Me: Okay Also me [holding a clicking pen]: *click click click click*
@SamanthaaaReece: I’m at Sephora and the makeup artist asked this woman if she was allergic to anything and she said “shrimp”
@donni: DEFENSE: Your Honor, will you allow my client to escape? JUDGE: I'll allow it PROSECUTOR: Aw WTF JUDGE: Let's see where he goes with this
@lolacoaster: Avengers Endgame and the Battle of Winterfell coming out the same weekend is like when your history teacher and your English teacher both assigned papers due the same day except instead of homework it's emotional labor