@koalaslament: I never know what to do when someone tries to fist bump me, so I just slowly put their fist in my mouth
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@PetrickSara: [Married pillow-talk] Husband: What's your deepest fantasy? Me: That when our kids eat dinner they don't leave any crumbs under the table.
@AndyAsAdjective: I scream "You haven't seen the last of me!" & follow with maniacal laughter before slowly backing away. The pharmacist smiles kindly.
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: Okay, what exactly do you think bulls look like? GUY WHO CAME UP WITH THE CONSTELLATIONS: 1 straight line and 2 bendy ones. That’s bulls.
@coolauntV: The most Seattle thing ever: I ran into a woman on my street using a mason jar with a light in it to look for her lost chicken