So I think we have pretty much covered what to do if life gives you lemons
I never really understood the tiny house trend, but then I saw one where the bed was literally in the kitchen, and now I get it.
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I’m not sure which is worse:
People who force their religion on you…
Anyone who’s ever said “Oh it’s because I’m a Virgo.”
Prisons and psych wards in movies always make it seem like an indignity, but I think it’d be nice to receive food through a slot in my door.
Him: Can I have a bite of your dessert?
Me: I think we should see other people.
Hello lamppost, whatcha knowin’? I come to watc–
Lamppost: Nice scarf princess.
Therapist: We need to discuss why you think the moon is your enemy.
Me: He controls the tides, you know. That’s too much power.
Newscast in the background: “-unprecedented number of tsunamis this year-“
Me: He’s trying to silence me.
[A Dad about to give the birds & the bees talk]
*Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for 35 minutes*
“Know what, we’re good”
Don’t you have anyone you can talk to? – me as a therapist
I saw a car with a flat tire so I offered to help. She tells me to hurry cause she has a hair appoinment..This is how serial killers r born
*wakes up after all night party*
How did I get on this escalator?