I need your parent’s phone number so I can call you & hang up when they answer.
Cause if I’m gonna crush on you, I’m doing it old school.
I never understood movie scenes where they have to train assassins. just drop me in some hot climate, don’t feed me and I’ll kill everyone.
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All women really want is to be treated like you treat your iPhone.
Of course my children don’t listen to me. I’m not YouTube.
“Alexander’s not so Great” – younger brother, Steve the Ok
Mispronouncing French phrases can be a real social fox piss.
You have been warned.
What’s the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I’m mailing to someone
I just had a coughing fit and think I accidently created a Nicki Minaj song featuring Ke$ha.
Sorry, you guys.
I used to think girls were super nice to each other in bar washrooms until my friend came back from one thinking she should get bangs