@NurseMurderer

I never understood movie scenes where they have to train assassins. just drop me in some hot climate, don’t feed me and I’ll kill everyone.

You Might Also Like

@wickedsuga

I need your parent’s phone number so I can call you & hang up when they answer.

Cause if I’m gonna crush on you, I’m doing it old school.

@Adam14

“Alexander’s not so Great” – younger brother, Steve the Ok

@weinerdog4life

What’s the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I’m mailing to someone

@TheMichaelRock

I just had a coughing fit and think I accidently created a Nicki Minaj song featuring Ke$ha.

Sorry, you guys.

@AndrewsNotFunny

I used to think girls were super nice to each other in bar washrooms until my friend came back from one thinking she should get bangs