@TweetPotato314
People say “you’ll ruin your appetite” like I have to be hungry to eat.
@PaperWash
I noticed you’re eating that bag of popcorn one piece at a time.
So how many people have you murdered?
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@TweetPotato314
@MBittersweet25
You tell me to get off my high horse? Why dont you tell the damn horse to stop getting high all the time.. His drug problem isn’t my problem
@jonnysun
men r from mars , women r frm venus , neither are capable of reproducton or space travel so species dies out [RECALIBRATE SIMULATION?] <Y/N>
@Gorilla_Turd
Jesus, I didn’t mean my cheese wheel when I said you take the wheel.
@themiltron
interviewer: why do you want this job
me: i’ve just always been very passionate about not starving to death
@CatsVsHumanity
Damn, my printer is needy af. Always asking for more paper or more ink. I give and give and then it tells me it doesn’t think we have a connection.
@FlyJ_
I told everyone on Facebook what was “on my mind” and now I’m in jail.
Send cake.
@AbbyHasIssues
If I won the lottery, I wouldn’t go nuts. Probably buy some printer ink, and with what was left over, maybe an avocado.
@noog
The year is 2020. Hip hop has fully merged with dubstep, creating the genre of music known as Dubhop. All hope for mankind is lost