@BakedElle

I now pronounce you internet boyfriend and girlfriend.
You may put your hand down your pants and kiss your phone.

You Might Also Like

@gruffybeard

Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan.

Me: *makes another plate of nachos*

@TheMichaelRock

It’s like Batman didn’t even care about crime in the cities surrounding Gotham.

@CountGripsnatch

Me: I should stop drinking

Me: Why?

Me: I dunno

Me: You’re awesome when you drink

Me: Really?

Me: Yeah

Me: Thanks, me. You’re alright

@aimeevc1970

When a grammar Nazi gets sad give them a hug and say “There, their, they’re.”

@LindaInDisguise

Me: Help! i need my stomach pumped.

911 Operator: Did you ingest poison, ma’am?

Me: No. Pizza.

@theshamingofjay

2065

*puts cell phone in radiation free charging box*

“You know we used to sleep with these right by our heads”

3 eyed grandson “really?”

@JimmerThatisAll

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to do something, I forget what, but it’s something inconvenient.

@leechee420

I’m sorry sir, your wife didn’t make it.

Was it *sniff* the lack of prayers on Facebook?

Yes sir, I’m afraid it was.