@Gupton68: I often stand naked in front of a full-length mirror, studying myself to better come to terms with my imperfections. It’s not an easy thing to do though, and quite frankly I feel IKEA security could be a little more supportive.
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@TheCatWhisprer: Told my toddler today was Father’s Day and she said “you’re welcome” if you were wondering how the current batch of Generation Z is coming along.
@NewDadNotes: Me: [doing crossword] a body of water; three letters. Wife: bay. Me: flying insect w/ stinger; three letters. Wife: bee. Me: to hush someone; four letters. Wife: shhh. Me: boat Noah built; three letters. Wife: ark. Me: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO.
@AndrewChamings: If you’re forcing me to choose between you and my dream of making a sequel to the 1982 horror classic then you’ve got another Thing coming.
@mydanimarie: Sometimes I order Domino's but give them Pizza Hut's address. And when they show up and start fighting, just wait with my mouth open.