I opened a pistachio once…
Worst 37 minutes of my life.
I once accidentally started a flash mob when I thought a spider might be on me.
You Might Also Like
If her last two boyfriends died in mysterious car explosions, you may not want to heart-eyes emoji her friend’s selfie.
What If When You Die They Ask You
“How Was Heaven?”
I just ruined my 5 year olds’ entire life by using the wrong shade of yellow for the sun
If guys were smart they would forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls buying frozen dinners and cat food.
I don’t care what the FBI says, America’s most wanted still sounds like an honor.
Me: I’ll have a grande vanilla latte.
Barista: Soy milk?
Me: Hola Milk. Una gran latte de vainilla por favor.
If you only see two signs about a raccoon room today, make it these two.
When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you, wraps a towel around itself and screams oh wait that’s my neighbor haha Hi Pam!