I dunno if anyone else follows Play-Doh on Facebook but you should cause they’re doing some serious damage control
I once confused a tube of superglue with a tube of lube.
It was horrible.
My model plane kept slipping apart
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[Girlfriend looks at me in disgust]
“Did u just propose using emojis?”
“Technically its called a propoji, but yes”
[She’s already gone]
BLADDER: Get up. You need to go
STOMACH: And you’re hungry
BRAIN: Imagine if Hammer Time was a real time zone. We’d have to move there
if you stand up in a hospital waiting room & loudly announce your name & why you’re there, sometimes another person will do it too
Mom said I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. So I became sarcastic.
printer: replace cyan ink cartridge
me: why? It’s a black and white document
printer: need cyan to print it
“I can’t eat all of that!”
… and other lies I tell
Grandpa Joe’s all, I’m gonna just stay in bed for twenty years. Wait, a CHOCOLATE FACTORY? jkjk I can walk!
He’s my kinda people.
Florida is about to release millions of genetically modified mosquitoes.
I hope when they bite you they make you drive better.
Nurse: Get the crash cart?!
Doctor: Give it a minute