Camping and I have a lot in common. For starters, we are both stupid.
I once met this guy who was so creepy that his van had a basement.
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When there were bear prints in the sand that was bear jesus chasing you
Me: my doctor says if I get annoyed I could die
You: so you can’t watch that YouTube link?
Me: I’m saying it’s dangerous to even send them
ROSE: I’ll never let go Jack
JACK: You have room
ROSE: I’ll never let go
JACK: You’re in a sailboat
ROSE: Goodbye Jack
JACK: You have a cooler of beer on deck
JACK: The boat has a living room
ROSE: Dude can’t you just take a hint
[ordering from the dollar menu]
me: hi i’ll have 7 dollars please
me: *drinks coffee with protein powder, does bicep curls, flexes fingers*
pickle jar: oh oh
Having a crush on someone sucks. If I wanted to gamble with my emotions, I would simply go to a convenience store, fill a slushie with 5 random flavors & let the lord decide whether it was delicious or not.
I’m not afraid to admit that for the longest time I didn’t really understand the whole “Netflix and Chill” thing.
I thought Netflix was for AFTER sex, so you didn’t have to talk to or look at each other.
scientist: the universe is 14 billion yrs old
me: i believe it
waiter: this plate is hot
me: yeah right *touches it*