@Black__Elvis: I once raised a roof, and now that he's all grown up he never writes or calls.
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@: I asked my husband if I’m the only one he’s been with. He said yes, the others were all nines and tens. Send bail money.
@david8hughes: [in class] Me: hey, can I borrow a pen? Guy: sure, black or blue? Me [sweating & swelling up]: you got one for bee stings?
@TheRealRHB: Cute neighbor mows her lawn almost naked, so I sneak over there at night and sprinkle Miracle-Gro all over her yard.. costly but so worth it