@Black__Elvis: I once raised a roof, and now that he's all grown up he never writes or calls.
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@kcmoore51: 13: I have a friend that doesn't like baseball, chocolate, or bacon. Me: Pretty sure that's not a friend, bro.
@CornOnTheGoblin: good cop: we've located the explosives cop who loves eminem: now this looks like a bomb to me so everybody / stay calm for me
@jimmytorosian: *Brings axe to slumber party* "Oops. I thought you said 'lumber party'" *Knew the whole time* *Waits until they're asleep* *Chops down tree*
@LadyBombs: I'm good now. I pretended the vegetables I was chopping were actually people. It helped.