@protolalia: I only date men who have cats because they've been pre-trained to try and figure out what you want if you just stare at them long enough.
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@andlikelaura: Darth Vader: I killed three whole planets. Thanos: I killed half the universe. Voldemort: I uhh...almost killed this one kid like 7 times. Everyone: Voldemort: *shakes head sadly* stupid mother’s love.
@Mr_Kapowski: *returns lost dog* Lady: That's not him. He was white Me: *holding a brown dog* He asked to swing by the salon. Add the color to my reward
@maurex23: [drug test] WEED: what did you get for #15? HEROIN: the teacher said not to share answers. COCAINE: done LSD: this paper tastes like crab