@markleggett

I only watch “Game of Thrones” because I’m trying catch a background extra wearing a wristwatch.

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@Cpin42

I love how they gave Scooby-Doo a speech impediment, as if people would be like “That makes sense, because dogs have difficulty speaking..”

@Cheeseboy22

I bet you’ll watch the cell phone camera footage of this concert for years & remember the fun you had holding up a cell phone at a concert.

@LuvPug

I just wished a Bride-to-be good luck on her first marriage.

She didn’t seem to appreciate my sincerity.

@YoungNobler

Underwear isn’t protecting you from your pants. It’s protecting your pants from YOU! Another conspiracy uncovered.

@hunz74

My son has the worst altitude ever. He’s defiant, rude and floating like six feet off the ground.

@mablazarus

Someday you’ll wake up with Mark Zuckerberg in your bed because you neglected to uncheck a box.

@ramblinma

*stops abruptly at red light*

*instinctively reaches out arm to protect food in passenger seat*

@Whereisblockaye

Once I started spending my own money I realized my mom was right…we do got food at home

@LurkAtHomeMom

My organization style can be best described as “just don’t look in that room.”