[I open my lunchbox to find a copy of the Magna Carta]
But that means…
[cut to British Library patrons thoughtfully examining a Capri Sun]
I ordered my latte wrong at that new gypsy coffee place and now my shadow is a horse shadow
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*smashes bag of Oreos
*pours on top of salad
Just overheard the phrase, “pregnant with a baby,” and secretly wondered what the other options were.
*puts sunglasses on a watermelon*
“WHERE ARE ALL THE DRUGS!”
*slams hands down*
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DID THEM ALL?!”
Can’t wait to watch the complex manoeuvres that will follow taking the first bite of a corn dog in the middle.
Amazingly, this sentence contains all letters of the alphabet djkquvwxz
So sick of not knowing if a girl’s single. We need a symbol
Not visible enough
“Screw it, lets put a dot on their foreheads”
ME: I’d like to buy some underwear for my wife.
ME: No, I’d prefer new ones.
If you’re happy and you know it, share your meds
Brew coffee. Chill coffee. Use coffee instead of water to make Twice-Brewed Coffee. Win Nobel Prize. Begin to glow, levitate. Eat building.