*first day as Robin Hood
“Ok, this is a TERRIBLE business model.”
I push everything I have across the table and confidently call “all in”.
“Omg, for the last time, this is chess”
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awareness is a funny thing. within a ten minute period my daughter went from not knowing about dinosaurs to sobbing hysterically about the evil planet earth that killed her potential best friend, the pterodactyls
My 12 yr. old girl is having a sleepover tonight.
She told me, “DO NOT EMBARRASS ME!”
I’m considering twerking to Ace of Base later.
Girls love when you hug them from behind and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Strangers, not so much.
DETECTIVE OWL: HOO
BEAR: I dont know
DET OWL: HOO
BEAR: I DONT KNOW
DET OWL: HOO
BEAR: OK I DID IT…I ATE GOLDILOCKS!
*tweets about new invisibility cloak invention*
*forgets where he left it*
Oh my god, killer snails are after us. Walk. Walk for your lives.
I just googled “Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don’t Fear the Reaper?” and my first response was, “Go outside and do something.”
“Press 1 if you’re a huge nerd”
“Press 2 if you’re a virgin”
“Press 3 if y-”
STOP TALKING, DAD! I’m trying to call Xbox support
I took 3 advanced geometry classes at Penn State and still pick the wrong size lid for my coffee cup 70% of the time.