[Arrested for prank calling police]
Cop: You get one phone call
*cop’s phone rings*
Me: is your refrigerator running
I put my earbuds on just like everybody else. Frantically as someone approaches.
You Might Also Like
McDonald’s burgers always look so great in their commercials but when you actually order one it always looks like its been sat on.
It’s too bad The Carpenters never got to do a project with MC Hammer and Nine Inch Nails.
Everytime I check my facebook I remember why i’m on Twitter.
Paige Turner: I’ve been unlucky in love. I feel like people expect me to be more exciting
Cliff Hanger: Weird. I get that too
date: I don’t drink
me: she said she doesn’t drink pal
I assume everybody appreciates free snacks, so when I see someone yawning I throw a piece of black licorice in their mouth.
* on a date *
Date: So did you make any New Year Resolutions?
Me: I’m on a diet.
Date: So what will you order for dinner?
Me: Well, I usually get 2 pieces of pizza, but tonight I’ll only order one.
Date: Wow-that’s amazing! You’ve got some will power!
[Called daughter’s phone. Got voicemail greeting.]
IN THE EXACT VOICE OF DORA THE EXPLORER
11: Hola! Soy Dora! Can you. Find. The end button?