-me watching the pizza delivery guy on my GPS app as he gets closer to my house
I put my pants on like anyone else. By court ordered mandate.
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My husband and I both have colds but only his is really really bad.
“… how to…”
“… out this…”
“… ving door?”
If Miley Cyrus really wanted to shock us at the VMAs, she’d show up in a burka covered in a snowsuit and slowly add more clothing each hour.
I freeze leftovers because I don’t want to throw away food now, I want to throw it away in 8 months.
cleans like Gaston
quarantines like Gaston
no one stops spreading COVID-19 like Gaston
My stomach just growled so loudly the dog and cat formed a militia
some babies are born premature but i was born very mature i just came out and i was like so what
Son: room’s clean
Me: u better not have thrown everything in ur closet
S: I didnt
M:*checks* nice, but wheres everything
S: in ur closet
There’s 3 ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone or forbid your kids to do it.