ME: I trained my cat to talk
HER: let’s see
ME: abbreviate Maine
ME: what I say when I’m hurt
HER: this sucks
ME: just wait
CAT: we’re just getting started Linda
I put my pants on like anyone else. By court ordered mandate.
You Might Also Like
Interviewer: Where did you receive your education?
Interviewer: Wow! When did you graduate?
Me: I yust got out in Yuly
5yo: “Mom, will you get me a yogurt?”
Me: “You’re closer to the fridge.”
5yo: *moves to the other side of the room* “Now you’re closer.”
*I’m a gift to mankind.*
Mankind- I’d like to exchange this please.
Tom Cruise is short for tomato filled cruise ship
She changed her mind ..
Hope the new one works !!
Girl, are you a conspiracy theory?
Because I want to listen to you all day long even though I find it hard to believe a word you say.
Seduce Angela Merkel by fondling the hem of her cardigan while whispering “Aren’t you too pretty to be a Chancellor?”
Not pictured: Joe waiting outside the door in his karate uniform ready to spring into action.
Not a headline I thought I’d ever read.