@robyn_vo: I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn't tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
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@robdelaney: Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."
@stewnami: I like a woman that makes me feel alive, but also lets me know that it might not be for long.
@TheBoydP: Pro tip: No matter how much you hate wrapping, never ask your wife to wrap her own Christmas presents.
@Carbosly: Me: *dies* My kids: *taking out Ouija board* H-I M-O-M W-H-A-T A-R-E Y-O-U M-A-K-I-N-G F-O-R D-I-N-N-E-R?