Can someone tell me the exact crime I need to commit to get put on house arrest because legally having to cancel plans sounds incredible.
I really haven’t been feeling well since last night..here’s me and the hubby’s convo..
H- you’d better get to a doctor
Me: It hasn’t even been a full day
H: what? It’s been two days
Me: how do you figure?
H: today and yesterday
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Me: Sometimes I eat even tho I’m not hungry
Doctor: You need to listen to your body
My Body: *mouth full of donuts* WE SHOULD GET MORE OF THESE LOL
My mom took my child into a store and left me in line to wait for Santa by myself, so now I look like a narcissistic creeper-thanks mom.
Heard the local weatherman say, “high in the thirties” & now I know the title to my autobiography.
Having an authentic Thanksgiving celebration this year. I’m giving my family smallpox.
I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What’s not to like?
Him: What are you passionate about?
Me: *bats eyelashes* Taxidermy.
Me: Haha. Sure…
Just clicked on an ad that said “Free Albums Here” But It linked to a download of a Nickelback album. Would have rather just gotten a virus.
I hate crumbs, so I eat my snacks in bed on his side.
If you reply with “sky” each time I ask what’s up, I shall assume you’re homeless.