I just “shaved “both my legs with the little plastic cap still on the razor and didn’t notice until I was “finished” with the second leg.
I just scraped shaving cream off my legs like ice off a windshield.
I really want to snuggle and watch a movie with my boyfriend.
Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
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Me: *rubbing sugar on my gums*
Wife: What are you doing?
Me: I dunno…saw some cool guy doing it in the bathroom
“I don’t want no scrubs” a doctor says before she violates, like, a TON of health codes
I’m only leaving the house today so my selfies will have new backgrounds.
Him: How was your day?
Me: (watching a movie about a shark trapped in a grocery store) Very busy.
I could have been a monk but I missed my chants
if ur dating a gym rat ur single to me. what’s brad gonna do beat the shit out of me? oh really? oh ok yeah I was kidding lol literally a joke haha im sorry
For those of you keeping track, so far:
Whoever is out there saying “What’s the worst that could happen?”-
rt if you’d call your friend just to tell them that potatoes came to japan in 1600
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t wear a blanket to work