acme was just mailing bombs and rockets and shit to a dog
I refuse to care about a royal baby in England while the Burger King remains heirless. Does no one remember the horrors of the Burger Wars
You Might Also Like
Something I ordered off ebay 8 months ago just arrived. Package says “by air”, so I’m assuming it was attached to a paper airplane.
Ok here’s how I’m gonna make tonight about me.
*picks out all the marshmallows from your Lucky Charms*
*replaces them with Flintstones vitamins*
You looked a little sickly.
mom: do the dishes
me: i cant im ugly
I told my boyfriend to show me pictures of my outfits that I ordered and I for sure was not expecting this…
*montage of me teaching a penguin to do everything my son Brian can do*
Wife: Where’s Brian?
Me: [studying her closely] He’s… right here?
People who say they’ll be late for their own funeral*
*trust me. you’ll make it.
If your wife offers to cook you eggs and bacon at 3 in the morning, it’s not your wife and you’re at the Waffle House drunk again.
Calling bullshit on news that the Amazon is burning. I just got a package delivered from them today