@alexlumaga

I refuse to care about a royal baby in England while the Burger King remains heirless. Does no one remember the horrors of the Burger Wars

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@slyoung5

Have you ever noticed that Santa brings better gifts to the kids that have rich parents?

@Daps_95

Elba: Bond. James Bond.

Villain: yeah but where are you ACTUALLY from though?

@Koogslaw

Sign of the times. 😒
#Hoarders #COVIDー19 #COVID #CoronaOutbreak

@fro_vo

WIFE: why is there a chicken wearing glasses in our living room
ME: he’s my new friend
CHICKEN: *pecks at the floor and his glasses fall off*
ME: oh no where did Cluck Kent go

@blade_funner

Friend: Have you seen a cockatoo?

Me: I’ve seen more than two.

@Sickayduh

This poster that says “Green Day: Sold Out” is right in two ways

@UncleDuke1969

Receptionist:
“That lady in the waiting room is picking her nose.”

Plastic Surgeon:
“Good! That’ll save me some time. Send her right in.”

@vinnycrack

the best insult ever is “who is this clown” because

1. you’re calling them a clown
2. you’re saying they’re not even a well known clown