Yeah, I’m basically a Pokemaster.
*waves vaguely at shelves of confused squirrels in partially sealed Tupperware containers*
I refuse to wear a mask into the store. “Ma’am, we can’t let you in here,” one of the associates explains. I storm off in a huff. The year is 2005, and I am once again too ugly to buy cream cheese
You Might Also Like
WIFE: It’s great having kids, isn’t it?
ME: Oh yeah, it’s the best
W: How long until they go to bed?
ME: 4 hours, 17 minutes & 26 seconds
having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house
“It’s Ian with one i”.
“We only need your first name Mr Wivwanaye”.
Parenting Pro Tip: If a 5 year old says he needs a potty stop, or he’s going to take a dump in the minivan, he’s not making idle threats
My boss said to “treat customers like you treat your mother”, so I haven’t answered my phone in a month and I have 74 unheard voicemails.
If you lick me, I taste like vodka.
Okay, I taste like a potato, but still…
A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth
So me and my demons are gonna have a few bloody mary’s and see where the day takes us. Would you and your demons like to tag along?