@UnFitz: I remember when things only cost an arm.
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@anerdonfire2: I'm not surprised I woke up with a mannequin after too much to drink. I am surprised though that I used a condom
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I can't finish my lunch. I don't feel good. Me: OK, then no ice cream. 5-year-old: I'm sick, not dead.
@Sir_Strange: *goes on job interview* -You come very highly recommended. -Why thank you, I always try to be as stoned as possible before I come to work.