@Parkerlawyer: I represented criminals before I switched to divorce law. Not one accused murderer or drug dealer ever scared me more than the soccer mom who just found out her husband is cheating on her with the PTA Vice President.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins because the next thing you know you need a shovel and an alibi.
@loribuckmajor: Wrapping gifts and one kid has more than the other so to even it up I hope she likes this bag of potatoes.
@AmishPornStar1: “YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN OFF THAT COUCH ALL DAY!!!” -my wife yelled, failing to even ACKNOWLEDGE my three trips to the bathroom this morning