@jpbrammer: I respect kiwis because they looked around, saw there weren't any mice on their island, and said "fine I'll do it"
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@Kyle_Lippert: Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.
@withanewname: "Yes mam that'll be $1200" "Just to remove a cassette tape that's stuck?" "Ma'm, it's in your CD player"
@Papa_Mex: The sonogram of your baby looks awesome!* So clear!** And he looks happy!*** *Creepy **Is it a human? ***I think you're having a racoon