@Kyle_Lippert: Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.

@withanewname: "Yes mam that'll be $1200" "Just to remove a cassette tape that's stuck?" "Ma'm, it's in your CD player"

@Papa_Mex: The sonogram of your baby looks awesome!* So clear!** And he looks happy!*** *Creepy **Is it a human? ***I think you're having a racoon

@LisaMcAlister1: If loving copies is wrong, I don't want to be copyright.

@WordsOfaHooker: "So you're a foodie? What's a foodie?" "We enjoy eating out and trying new food." "So you're like everyone else, except you brag about it?"