i respect snow plows bc their whole job is to take a giant mess and push it to the side for someone else to deal w later
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Me: Hmm, food is a splurge. Can’t afford it this week.
*sees a talking Batman cup*
Me: I absolutely need this right now or I’ll die
i dont care if people dislike me, but if a pet ignores me, i will hit them up nonstop & keep changing my look drastically until they love me
Life in your 40’s:
Friend: Come on…have a drink with me, it’s Saturday night!
Me: No thanks, I have to work Tuesday.
I think I just went to third base with a jelly doughnut.
I want to be that grandma someday that everyone is afraid to take out in public.
Me: You need to eat vegetables instead of candy if you want to be tall.
4-year-old: I’ll just be small and happy.
name a hurricane “Jesus” cuz then u could say “Jesus is coming” & have unaware ppl frantically prepare for rapture
Man shall not live on bread alone. Yet it is easy to forget this at restaurants and end up full before the appetizer.
me *choking on a piece of popcorn*