@NINETIREDBUGS: i respect snow plows bc their whole job is to take a giant mess and push it to the side for someone else to deal w later
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@MissSassy_Pants: Me: Craig is missing? Oh...no Cop: We found a diffuser on his desk with chloroform in it. Me: He was stressed Cop: There was a bottle of it in your desk Me: I was stressed Cop: What about the list titled "steps to get Craig in my basement" Me: Could be anyone...
@JohnMCochran: i want a reality show that's just footage of the losers' car ride home after family feud
@Talk_To_The_Hat: I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
@drinksmcgee: Someone just told me that they hate bacon... I can't even find words... It's like someone just murdered a rainbow.