I feel this tweet
i respect snow plows bc their whole job is to take a giant mess and push it to the side for someone else to deal w later
You Might Also Like
Scientists: Don’t freak out about Ebola.
Scientists: Freak out about climate change.
Everyone: LOL! Pass me some coal.
Cats can use their whiskers to navigate in the dark. I use my toes. And shins. And lots of cursing.
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down.
I bet he never tried smashing it over someone’s head.
wondering if our openly racist uncles talk about their non racist uncles like “u shoulda heard the non-racist shit coming out of his mouth”
Tiptoeing would be much more fun if your toes made that tinkling sound like they do in cartoons.
I once met this guy who was so creepy that his van had a basement.
Singer: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!
S: I SAID: ARE YOU READY T–
C: WE’RE THINKING
I killed my twin because she wouldn’t admit that she was the evil one.
007 is fired, becomes a scientist. He opens meetings with, “The name’s Bond, Hydrogen Bond.” Everyone laughs. He cries in the supply closet.