@joeljeffrey: I saw a sign that said "bridge subject to icing" and I thought "that sounds delicious"
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@murrman5: [sees wife getting changed after work] you should leave them high heels on "ohhh yeah?" [thinking about the spider on the bathroom ceiling] yeah
@clichedout: me: dogs have 4 legs her: me: so do tables her: ok me: so dogs are tables her: no me: *sets my cup on a dog* let me explain it for u again Jen
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: So, do you have any hobbies? ME: No, not really. SOCK PUPPET: You're not going to tell her about us?