If people who made meth called themselves methematicians it would probably be a more respected occupation.
I saw an alligator yesterday. At first I wasn’t sure and thought it could have been a crocodile. That is until I saw it later. Then I knew.
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Wait, women get the WHOLE DAY? Is that in every country? It’s night where I am is it over can it be about me again
Is cyanide the most efficient way to kill someone? Asking for a fiend.
[walks into gym with my sunglasses on]
WHATS UP LADIES
*takes off sunglasses*
damn it 3rd treadmill I’ve hit on this week
I’m 14 shows into the 1st season of ‘Lost’ & there are SO many mysteries.
I sure hope someone finds out where Sawyer plugs in his flat iron
-watches two minutes of the news
-locks kids in their rooms forever
I know exactly how President Obama feels. Every time my kids are forced to listen to me, they make angry Republican faces.
My urologist said I have a healthy prostate. I was deeply touched.
God must have really liked saturn
“I’m the only cop on the force who can play the bassoon dammit” “Not anymore” New cop in sunglasses walks in, just killing it on the bassoon