@dannyboy7813: I seduce the ladies with my encyclopedic knowledge of dung beetle larvae.
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@tracietom: Husband: Your too much of a perfectionist. I want a divorce. Me: (through tears)"you're"
@shutupmikeginn: I'm scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I'll run them under cold water for half a second
@benicus_rex: The barber asked me "do u have any kids" & I said "I do not, no" and he got very quiet, realize now he probs thought I said "I do not know"
@Ideal_Victoria: Almost hit someone with my car just to get their attention… It’s safe to say that flirting isn’t my strong point.