@dannyboy7813: I seduce the ladies with my encyclopedic knowledge of dung beetle larvae.
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@jonnysun: ME: genie, i wish i was dead GENIE: [makes me dead then brings me back to life] ok u have two wishes left ME: i dont think u understood
@orange_rhymer: Me: I invited Todd over for dinner. Wife: Uncle Todd or Todd who takes things literally? *Todd exits out the back door with our television*
@ImFordTough: hey girl are you my ceiling fan because i'm pretty hot but also too lazy to get up and turn you on