“And now we wait.” —me when I dislike someone before my friends do.
*I see my life flash before my eyes
*it pauses to buffer
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*6 holding a 5 hour energy*
“Look at this teeny juice! It didn’t taste good at first but I finished it!”
Go ahead, have kids.
All-day Christmas music at work, day 4:
Just Googled “Candy cane prison shank”
Welcome to your 40s. Time moves much faster now. Welcome to your 50s
I think my husband cheated on me. Not one of our kids resembles him at all…
Sneezing is a really good way of working out exactly how full your bladder is
I gave birth to two human beings, yet I’m in awe that I’m growing a plant out of a sweet potato.
people: u should smile
me: not unless u deposit 2 million dollars in my bank account thanks
Texts son – to come and hand me my drink 5 feet away
God he’s lazy, took him ten minutes to reply
Women shouldn’t work outside the home. It’s STEVE Jobs, not EVE Jobs.