I seriously can’t stop laughing 😂😂

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occult darling Dracula needs to get a grip. having his own dirt shipped in to sleep on, what a piece of shit. me, i’ll sleep on any dirt


A bouncy castle with a low cement ceiling to teach you not to have too much fun


I’ve gotta go. This bottle of vodka isn’t gonna get arrested all by itself.


god: *invents hammerhead shark*
nailhead shark: oh no


You think God hates crosses?

If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I’d be pissed.


Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.