@xLiserx: I sexually identify as Nickelback because people are ashamed of how much they secretly enjoy me.
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@JaymayAllDay: I told my friends I found my Lasik surgeon on Yelp and they were horrified. Or interested, I'm not sure, I can't make out faces so well.
@halloweenbears: If u want to sound smart just make up coding languages. Like "yeah I know DeltaCube, 17v and Amorph," literally nobody will know theyre fake
@TheToddWilliams: [date] ME: Tell me about yourself HER: I love good listeners and Fred Astaire ME: That's weird HER: What is? ME: Being afraid of stairs
@sarahyehia82: Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.