@LittleMissAngr1

I sexually identify as the foot of Cinderella’s stepsister when it is being crammed into the glass slipper.

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@SortaBad

Every time I’m at a friend’s house I look at the ceiling & say “You like to watch, don’t you..” so I look cool if they have a hidden spy cam

@PetiteRainCity

Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.

@pittdave13

The easter bunny left a note, it simply said:
Happy easter-fools day, I’ve hidden the deviled eggs around the house and turned the heat way up, you probably have about 25-30 minutes left before shit gets real bad!
Have a blessed day,
EB

@tastefactory

YANKEE DOODLE: *sticks feather in his cap* This is called macaroni
YANKEE DOODLE’S FRIEND: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody’s worried about u

@ka_waltz

every cat falls into one of the following categories:
• looks like it knows how to use a sword but refuses to teach you
• looks like it just finished eating an éclair

@mishakey

I believe in you. But I also believe in aliens, big foot, and werewolves so don’t get too excited.

@p01arst0rm

AAA publishers: “CUSTOMERS WANT HUGE $60 EXPERIENCE WITH EPIC OPEN WORLDS AND CUTTING EDGE GRAPHICS”

gamers: “haha honk honk im an angry goose”