“It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.” -Losers
“I shaved for this shit?” – All of us at one point in our lives.
You Might Also Like
-me watching the pizza delivery guy on my GPS app as he gets closer to my house
me: [googling] lose weight
google: eat healthy and exercise
me: [googling again] lose weight NO salad NO running
Her: I’m going to start cooking without butter.
Me: This isn’t going to work out.
I have to stop saying “Because I’m Batman” all the time. It’s not cute anymore. Oh wait. Yea it is! You know why? Because I’m Batman.
Officer: Ma’am, why didn’t you pull over as soon as I flashed my lights?
Me: Oh, I can’t see a thing without my glasses.
Pro Tip : Give the person interviewing you “something to remember” doesn’t means giving them a bite mark.
Do I feel like crying? HELL YES LET’S DO THIS ‘THE FAULT IN OUR STARS’
Him: Did you eat the last s’more?
Him: You’re lying.
Me: How do you know?
Him: Your pants are literally on fire.
I learned the name of my neighbor’s dog today.
In other news, I now have free wifi.