People who say laughter is the best medicine have clearly never tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.
I showed my students that I can say my ABCs backwards and a student shouted “SHE’S A WITCH!” and then I unzipped my jacket and revealed my Hocus Pocus shirt and they all screamed and the universe has never aligned like this for me
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My boyfriend literally has no problem making friends with anybody…
MAGICIAN: Think of a number, any number.
ME: *thinks for a bit* …k
MAGICIAN: That is a letter.
ME: omg ur right
A dating site that connects Tupperware containers with lost lids.
*takes out trash, finds trash can lid frozen shut*
*drops bag on ground because if any raccoon is desperate enough to be out in this cold he deserves all the trash he can get*
“I hate you but I love you. I miss you but you make me sick. You’re wonderful but get away from me” -My love letter to carbs
what do you call a fish with no eyes?? fsh
My friend Luke didn’t realise until he was an adult that lukewarm was a real temperature, he thought it was just a term his mum used to describe his bath water.
Cilantro tastes like soap.
– People who eat soap, apparently
Plot Twist: Africa adopts Angelina Jolie