@ShittyComedian: I snorted enough cocaine last night to kill a horse, but in my defense that horse came out of nowhere.
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@DanMentos: "We were trapped in the elevator and had to make a terrible decision" Which was? "We ate Bill" OMG. How long were you in there? “4 minutes"
@ValeeGrrl: That's it, teachers. Keep gloating on Facebook about your snow day. You'll see my kids tomorrow after their breakfast of Coke & Pixy Stix.
@UncleDuke1969: Superman: How'd you know? Lex: Know what? S: My secret identity! L: Whaddya mean? S: You called me a KENT!! L: That's NOT what I called you.