@skittle624: I spent over $200 at the grocery store yesterday which means there will be no food in my house by tomorrow.
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@DamienFahey: The government says 50 terror plots have been thwarted since NSA surveillance. What a perfectly even, unsuspicious number.
@ChadKroeber: Me: *tries to knock 1st kite out of tree using 2nd kite* *gets 2nd kite stuck in tree* Genie: please don't w- Me: I wish for a third kite
@TheHyyyype: flight attendant: please put all devices in airplane mode optimus prime: i can only do "truck"
@Cryptoterra: Christian politicians hate science because they think it's always talking about two Adams bonding