@KattsDogma: I started a book club. A coloring book club. There's a line to get in. We're never on the same page. Nothing's black & white. We're well red
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@junejuly12: *sees sharp scissors, hot glue guns, and simmering office rage* Maybe team building with arts and crafts wasn't such a great idea.
@AndyAsAdjective: ME: [shouting upstairs] dinner's ready! 6YR OLD: what are we having? ME: you'll like it! trust me! 6: I ain't falling for that shit again
@PleaseBeGneiss: [after the apocalypse] God: *counting souls* I’ll trade you a podcaster for an uber driver Satan: *unwrapping his third social media influencer* no way man
@sofarrsogud: [Takes out scrunchie and shakes out my slicked back ponytail] Take the mugshot again.