“I’ll never forget you Jack”
“Can I float on that wood too, Rose?”
“I’ll always remember you”
“Seems like there’s room for–”
I startled a mom and her kids in the Back To School aisle today at work.
I came around the corner and yelled SUPPLIES!
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“I really thought by now we’d all have robots,” he wrote, typing on a small device containing the sum of the world’s knowledge.
Who called it “wearing a monocle” and not “putting on a bit of a spectacle?”
I don’t understand why people go to the gym all the time… everything there’s so heavy.
I’m getting the sneaking suspicion that my therapist isn’t the one who’s supposed to be crying during our sessions.
I wear dresses to work so it takes me less time to use the loo so people won’t think I’m pooping. So yeah, I’d say I’m pretty professional.
My toddler growls every time someone says she’s cute and now I can finally say something about parenting has given me joy
Elton John: Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids
Elon Musk: *narrows eyes*
Man reading a book: hot
Man with a baby: hot
Man reading a book to a baby: hold me back my ovaries have exploded.
I see you posted a photo of the song playing on your car radio. I can relate because my car also has a radio and plays songs.