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@ChicksRule

Bee: *vomits* oh man, I don’t feel so good *vomits again*

Beekeeper: *reaches into beehive* sweet

Bee: oh hey Jerry, bad time I don’t feel gre- OH GOOD LORD WTF ARE YOU DOING?

@KendellMadden

“I know, right?!!” Is the WRONG thing to say when my neighbor tells me that his wife is wild in bed.
Lesson learned.

@samalmightysam

-Honey, what made you fall in love with me?
-Your mother.
-But my mother lives 5000 miles away.
-That’s why…

@JessObsess

Well well well…if it isn’t the clothes I left in dryer last Sunday.

@aguywithnolife

#I #love #how #you #hashtag #a #million #words #on #all #your #instagram #pics. #i #hope #you #get #your #period #in #a #sharktank.

@Reverend_Scott

The year 4542, artifacts are discovered from our once flourishing civilization. “Looks like they worshiped apples.” said one archeologist.