@realHamOnWry: I still remember when airlines gave you two choices; smoking, and chain smoking.
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@HousewifeOfHell: I was really getting my act together--eating right, exercising regularly, looking hot, feeling strong, and doing good work. Then I woke up.
@: Couple down the street from us celebrated 53 years of marriage the other day. I asked the wife "how did you do it?" She said "my knees tired". They go to church every Sunday so I THINK she meant pray. But Jesus Christ i just ain't all the way sure.
@nbadag: [sexting] HER: ok well i think we're done here lol ME: it's bc i used 'betwixt' isn't it? [typing ellipses for a solid minute] HER: yes
@BrianIncognito: I turned to her and said "We're all just seeking validation, aren't we?" She just ignored me, stamped my parking ticket, and handed it back.