@causticbob: I still see some of my ex-girlfriends. Well, not so much see, more like...watch.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [almost at the moon] Buzz: *explosive diarrhea* DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE TANG, ARMSTRONG? Neil: *steals speech out of his pocket* nope
@DanMentos: [guy in charge of naming superheroes] Superman, next Batman, next Wonder Woman, next Aquaman, next *takes a hit of acid* Green Lantern
@Darlainky: Friend: Get anything for Valentine's Day? Me: Chocolate-covered strawberries and wine. Friend: Did you get him anything? Me: No, I spent all my money on my strawberries and wine.