can’t believe how far my ex is going to make me jealous. moving away, not talking to me for 10 years, getting married. nice try, idiot. it’s so obvious
I survived catholic school taught by actual nuns and now nothing scares me. Except ghosts…of nuns
You Might Also Like
7: I didn’t do my homework
Me: why not?
7: they told us to write about the new president
7: you told me not to cuss
Me: I wish I never had to go outside
Me after listening to 10 minutes of NPR: I bet I could milk a goat, for I am so knowledgeable in such things
*sits at bar and loosens tie after a tough day at the office*
Me: Make it a large one
Bartender: One large milk coming up
Are we sure this new planet isn’t just Pluto wearing a wig?
Genius move, Romeo & Juliet, for killing yourselves instead of getting married and spending the rest your lives wanting to kill each other.
[Opens hand sanitiser]
?????? ???? ????
?? ??????? ???? ????
[looks at label]
LINDA YOU BOUGHT HAND SATANISER AGAIN
Everybody wants to be wanted, except maybe fugitives.
Your word is ‘monosyllabic’
“Can you describe it in a sentence?”
Poor Luigi when his parents were all, “This is Mario, we also call him ‘Super Mario’. And this Luigi, we also call him ‘Player 2’.